I couldn’t believe it. She’s dead.
Cyril’s body lay there impaled as guilt is swallowed through the saliva in my pharynx.
It’s all my fault. What is wrong with me? When has love ever been enough for murder?
The bloodshot eyes of Cyril stare at me like medusa turning me into stone.
“Cyril”, the breath is drawn as I hear a whisper in my ear.
You murdered me!
Thrash!
Water tackles the boat as the scrum of people are rocked by the impact. Squashed to the rough wooden texture of the boat by Lombard I couldn’t help but think of her.
Blue. Only blue. Apart from the monotonous clouds blue was the only colour seen.
I couldn’t bare staring at it any longer. The crashing waves were too similiar to those which carried Cyril’s floating body to shore.
I close my eyes. Blackness. I’d rather black than blue.
“Look! It’s soldier island!” exclaimed Wargrave from the left side of the boat.
My eye lids open in hope Wargrave is right and this blue has ended. Through the mist
Hi Michael,
Good strong start to your writing. Very evocative and compelling.
Cyril is a boy however, so when you write “She’s dead.” and “I couldn’t help but think of her.” are you referring to someone else?
Be wary of your tenses. You start off with “I couldn’t”, (could not), which is past tense. Then you drop into present tense with “It’s all my fault.” (it is). You need to choose a tense and stick with it, as switching tense will confuse your timeframe and disrupt the flow of your writing. Either “I CAN’T/CAN NOT” or “It WAS all my fault”.
You writing could also do with a little bit of punctuation as well. There are times when a comma is called for. Try reading your work out loud to hear where the natural pauses are and that will serve as an indication as well.
Good work.